Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
