i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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