Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
