oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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