I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
