hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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