it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
