His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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