I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
