im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
