This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
