and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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