Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
