tell your sister to shave her snatch
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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