Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila