Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
