the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.