Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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