It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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