I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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