There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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