The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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