hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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