cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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