its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
