Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
