so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Acid is not a monday night drug
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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