FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
