I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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