He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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