some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
