Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
