I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
smell my finger.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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