that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
