Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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