I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
