we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
