wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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