Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
