whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
