I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
