I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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