ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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