I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I die, sorry about rent.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
