forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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