Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
