First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
