I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
