and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
