I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
