please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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