there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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