she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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