No stitches, just platelets and will power
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
