I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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