i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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