hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can I color on your dick again?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
