i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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