She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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