Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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