How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
