Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
