Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
