Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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