Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
