I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We need to get me chipped asap
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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