i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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