So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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