I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
