Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
