feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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