could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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