After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
only if we run a train.
done.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
