so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
