I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize