I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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