i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
should my penis look like a turkey
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
