Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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