Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
