i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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