She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
