it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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