The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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