Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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