Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
